i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
