just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
