My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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