he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
