So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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