no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
