well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
