who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
