I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
