sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
