Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
