Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
