Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
