I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
