I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
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Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
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If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.