The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?