i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store