sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.