He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.