there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better