Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
