Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize