remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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