i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
worst night to have a conscience
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
