i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
