How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
