do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
