margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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