maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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