The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
