Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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