chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
