dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
