he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize