like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
