I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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