I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
