I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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