I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
