so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
