Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize