I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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