Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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