I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
