last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
