1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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