I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
