i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You took a bar mat shot.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
