I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
