i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Oh god it's open bar.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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