As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
