i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
