shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
