end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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