1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
