I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Enjoy the penises
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
