Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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