He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
