She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize