i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
