i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
