This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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