Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
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Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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