It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
