Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
