Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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