The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
