peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
