gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
