I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
