evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
