I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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